Without You I'm Nothing
by CrookedSpoon
Summary: One-Shot. Even after all these years, Soi Fong is still waiting for Yoruichi.


**Title**: Without You I'm Nothing  
**Characters/Pairings:** Soi Fong/Yoruichi  
**Rating**: R to be safe  
**Word Count:** 926  
**Warnings**: Angst, shoujo-ai (femslash).  
**Disclaimer**: Standard disclaimers apply.  
**Notes**: First YoruSoi fic. Written for the LJ comm prompt-in-a-box round 4

* * *

_"Wild nights! Wild nights! Were I with thee, wild nights should be our luxury!" (Emily Dickinson)_

"Yoruichi-sama," the whimper Soi Fong had fought so hard to constrain broke out of its confines, disturbing the silence of her bed-chamber. The quiet of the night made her loneliness all the more obvious.

(Even years after, Soi Fong was waiting.)

What for, she could not accurately tell. A diffuse hope, maybe, that Yoruichi would return as unexpectedly as she had left. A useless hope, given the charges laid against her. "Desertion, aiding Urahara Kisuke's escape and eluding arrest." Expelled from her Division, from Soul Society, forced to live in the human world.

The worlds that had lain between them in ability had shifted to literal distance; Soi Fong improved her skills, but she could not gain Yoruichi's approval, out of reach as she was. The more Soi Fong trained and sweated and became _stronger_ the more she felt Yoruichi slipping out of her life.

Of course, she would not let her.

Desperately, almost madly, did Soi Fong cling to the image of her former mistress, using the frustration and resentment it released as driving force behind her actions. Yoruichi had betrayed her respect, her trust, had betrayed _her_, Soi Fong, the subordinate who had stripped herself off of everything just to have something to offer to her goddess.

(Even years after, Soi Fong was suffering.)

She could not forget the one she had looked up to, had admired, worshipped even. The one she had been willing to give even her life for, because a life without Yoruichi was no life at all. How could she forget, if everything up until now, from her birth to her military training to joining the Punishment Corps, had been done for the sole purpose of serving Yoruichi, the princess of the Shihouin family?

Yoruichi had been her purpose in life, her foundation, her truth.

Until she disappeared. Without a warning, without a trace, without an _explanation_. (Soi Fong was selfish enough to think she at least had the right to know why Yoruichi fled all of a sudden, even if the rest of the Division had not.) And all that she represented vanished along with her. She had to find a new reason to live for.

Soi Fong hated Yoruichi, cursed her very name, could not forgive her. Strove to surpass her, so that one day she would stand above her and make her pay for leaving her behind. That was what she told herself at least. Soi Fong surrounded herself with anger and hatred like a shielding cloak to shut out the deep, all-encompassing emptiness she was subjected to, as lifeless as Yoruichi's bed-chamber on the day she had left. Without her mistress, there was nothing.

If she kept on telling herself she hated Yoruichi, she would end up believing it.

(Even years after, Soi Fong was longing.)

She could talk herself into believing, but the truth deep inside could not be rewritten. On nights that replaced uneventful days, when she had not trained to the point of exhaustion and beyond or led her Division (they were _hers_ now, she had proven herself skillful enough to take over) to fight against Hollows, her resolve broke. Too tired to hold up her mental defences and not tired enough to fall asleep right away.

Various events of recent days flooded her mind and she sifted through them, sorting them by importance and then forgetting all deadweights. At the bottom of it all was always Yoruichi. Memories of her always caught Soi Fong off guard when she was about to drift off into dreamless sleep.

Her careless grace when she was lounging on her divan, the glow of her chocolate brown skin in the candle light, the feel of her honey-sweet lips with their ready smile, her smooth back that arched so elegantly. Her hot tongue when she licked Soi Fong's angry red gashes soothingly, licked more of her white skin than was necessary and flashed her a cheeky grin.

Remembering all of those times spent together (in each other's arms), how could she hate Yoruichi? The goddess who had stooped so low as to mingle with a minor noble such as herself, whose life had been designed to serve, whether it was acknowledged or not.

How could she deny what she had felt (still did)?

By day, it was easy, yes, but at night when no prying eyes judged and questioned her, she was all alone with the gaping loneliness between what is and what should be. It angered her, and she resolved to work harder to supress the weakness of her heart the following day, but until then she was free to immerse herself in her memories.

It might have been nostalgic, wishing something back that could never be re-established, and recollections might have been corrupted by time and her own feelings, but for those sweet moments, (touching herself and imagining these were Yoruichi's hands,) she could relive the pleasure of those days, when even battles lost their gruesome edge in Yoruichi's presence.

If she were here now (running her hands over her thighs), if they were together (relishing each other's company), Soi Fong could forget all about Yoruichi's disappearance and welcome her with (eager) open arms. If she were here, Yoruichi would be all that mattered, her taste, smell, feel, and all charges against her would be thrown overboard, washed away as something unimportant. No law could replace the passion, the feeling of life coursing through her veins, when Yoruichi was with her.

Even if they had nothing more than themselves, that would be enough. Soi Fong would gladly follow wherever Yoruichi led.

Because even after all these years, Soi Fong still loved Yoruichi.


End file.
